20 February 2006

America’s Trust Fund

I read an interesting post (“Speaking of Finances,” Feb. 10; there’s no permalink) from a Kettering blogger about the connection between money and trust in marriage. Money is widely cited as the #1 reason for marital strife and divorce, but is it really about the money?

"Some people are committing financial infidelity by hiding financial misbehavior," says Denver psychologist Scott Stanley. "Others are having an open affair with material wealth. That represents an alternative relationship that is undermining the quality of the marital relationship."

Unlike sexual exploits, however, in which there is no question that one is deceiving and betraying, financial infidelity can be committed without the offender even realizing it:

“In a media-saturated era, money buys both self-fulfillment and social acceptance--a lifestyle in which wants are transformed into needs. We come to believe that we are entitled to what those around us seem to have, and somehow spending $20,000 for a sofa appears perfectly normal.”

“Because so many couples now maintain separate banking and credit card accounts, the risk of deceit is even greater,” said attorney Alan Kopit, legal editor for Lawyers.com.

I hadn’t heard the term “financial infidelity” before, but it’s a good one. It emphasizes that the problem is trust, not money. This country has plenty of money; it’s trust that we lack. Given that trust is the foundation for every meaningful relationship: lovers, family, friends, co-workers, citizens and their government, even the family dog, I wonder if this nation is bankrupt in the worst way of all.

2 comments:

Daniella said...

It is not uncommon to hear a spouse demand all credit cards as soon as divorce is mentioned, to close joint accounts to protect marital assets, to use whatever means to punish the person that leaves and often it is all about feelings of betrayal but money is the weapon used.

KIMBERLY ALLEN said...

I agree with denver psychologist Scott Stanley said that Some people are committing financial infidelity by hiding financial misbehavior. Financial infidelity can break a marriage apart like. I've been through this kind of situation