14 December 2006

The Time Has Come for Negative Currency

Those of you masochistic enough to watch the local news may have seen reports of copper piping being ripped out of old buildings and sold as scrap metal. Many thieves use young kids ("copper runners"?) just like drug dealers do.

The reason for this is that copper has risen in value. The penny is technically worth 1.73 cents. The nickel is worth 8.34 cents. Suddenly melting that jar of pennies seems like a good idea, eh?

Don't even think about it, says the U.S. Mint.

I believe the time has come for one of my greatest ideas: NEGATIVE CURRENCY.

The days of annoying 95 and 99 cent amounts would be over. Want a $4.99 sandwich? Plop down a fiver and a negative penny and say "keep the change!"

ka-BLAM !!

Let's be realistic, America. The penny has only one purpose, and that is to allow businesses to charge strange prices. I say we beat them at their own game by using negative currency. Eventually these coinophiles will pile up so much debt that they will have to charge round numbers or go out of business. This will free up pocket and purse space which can be used for electronic devices of the future.

And needless to say, the money saved by not making pennies can be better used in other ways. Like promoting abstinence. Or teaching creationism. These are just a couple of good ideas... my two cents, so to speak.

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