31 August 2009

Who's Your Daddy?

I got a kick out of seeing these two things in close proximity over the weekend:

30 August 2009

City Budget Crisis: The Solution

There is only one thing worse than laying off police officers, and that is raising taxes or fees in an election year. What kind of world would we live in if we expected elected officials to make tough decisions and sacrifice incumbency just for the sake of public interests that don't involve football stadiums? A mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world, that's what kind.

After many hours of deep thought, intense study and listening to WLW I have determined the perfect solution to the governmental, budget and safety issues facing Cincinnati.

1) Every Cincinnatian must be a police officer. The police department accounts for a mere 37% of the city's budget and this is clearly not enough. Every citizen must be deputized. This way, citizens/officers who see someone not in uniform can reasonably conclude that the other person is a criminal and tase them with one of the 4 tasers they will be provided (work, home, car/segway, personal) until backup arrives by horsey.

2) Merge the FOP and City Council to make the Fraternal Order of City Council. Members of FOCC (or FOCCers) are appointed by the Mayor, who is appointed by the Chief of Police, who is appointed by the FOCCers. This setup would be more efficient than the current one, in which the FOP is forced to rely on a few vote-whoring safety-minded politicians like Leslie Ghiz to do its bidding. My new system removes this layer of bureaucracy while keeping the largest category of municipal spending priority #1 public safety priority #1.

3) Turn public pools into police stations. This way, they can be kept open and used by all citizens/police. There is beautiful irony in this because on one hand it will satisfy Laketa Cole, who wants to keep pools open, but on the other hand it will prevent her felon boyfriend from being able to use them. As it is said, politics is all about compromises.

4) Eliminate the need for the county coroner and replace with a city police coroner. The last thing this city needs is a physician-researcher who does a study showing that 90% of homicides are drug related. This will encourage people to adopt a false sense of security that they are safe downtown when in fact they are prey to mother-rapers, father-rapers, Honduran gangs, Bloods, Crips, Deveroes, Al-Queda and liberal democrats who research facts and evidence.

5) Eliminate anger-management therapy for police officers. This will save money. And let's face it, a citizenry made up of authoritarian personalities with anger management issues is a citizenry with big cars and little crime. Isn't that the Cincinnati we all dream of?

24 August 2009

Pick a Pic

Here are two versions of the same scene (taken in Canada's Banff National Park), one in color and one B&W. It's a good illustration of the different feeling evoked by each type. Yesterday I liked the B&W better, today the color.

13 August 2009

The Two Greatest You Tube Videos

Just saw this one posted at The Suggestion Boxer and it's veeerrry cool:

I first saw this one posted on the short-lived CincyBlurb. I think it's my all-time favorite.

Clark Street Blog Salutes Les Paul

Les Paul, the man I thought might never die, has died at age 94.

You could say a lot about Les Paul's influence on the electric guitar in modern music but Jimmy Page pretty much summed it up in one sentence: "It all started with Les Paul."

11 August 2009

Heart Transplant Recipient Dies...

... of cancer. Wow, talk about bad luck.

Huesman was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy while in high school. His heart, attacked by a pneumonia virus, was almost four times its normal size from trying to pump blood with weakened muscles.

He became the longest-living American recipient of a single transplanted heart in 2000, when a patient who had received a transplant a year before him had to undergo a second transplant.

"He had diabetes and cancer,"
[his wife] Carol Huesman said Monday. "His heart — believe it or not — held out. His heart never gave up until the end, when it had to give up."

And speaking of huge hearts, here's an interesting factoid: Cycling champion Miguel Indurain has a heart and lungs that are about 30% larger than normal humans. He won 5 straight Tour de Frances and was (in)famous for never looking exhausted. I guess that explains why. I've heard Lance is a bit of a mutant as well.

08 August 2009

Kids Playing on Fountain Square

Friday evening...

04 August 2009

Lights, Camera, Ass Whoopin'

Trying out Segways at the Vine-L festival last Friday

Lighting design elicits contemplation

A couple making out in the middle of Central Parkway?

Passing cars and bicyclists yell at them to get off the street

Apparently, one imbalanced homeless woman is beating up another imbalanced homeless woman. This shot was taken right after woman #1 took off woman #2's shoes and threw them across the street.

01 August 2009

The Dangers of Findlay Market Explored

The kid riding his bike knows all too well the dangers of Findlay Market which is why he won't go near it without his football pads. And the family crossing the street was tragically beaten to death with rolled-up StreetVibes newspapers (now published biweekly).

Is there a surer sign of danger than the presence of Michael Jackson fans?

The pair in front is wisely keeping its distance from local blackberries.

This is a fur-covered beast of some kind. I saw several of them. They seem to attract children, perhaps in order to eat them. I advise extreme caution.

This shocking sideways (oops) video which was taken at great risk illustrates the dangers are not just on land but also in the water.

Thanks to my familiarity with inner city danger, I quickly recognized the risks of Sno-Kones and demon music and was able to walk away in time.

One of the ever present threats at Findlay Market is running into someone you know. Here we see Kate putting on a brave face in one such circumstance. I was completely helpless.