30 July 2009

Best of Porn Spams for July 2009

Manly stallion and luscious mom doing bed-pressing

Muscled pandillero and his GF share snatch

Lanky brunet [sic] and four lasses baking cookies

Mulatto farmer and hawt mami rubbing bacons

Spindly twink and seductive blondie caught romping

Senile boss and British honey porking outdoors

Stout cowboy and full whitey go naughty

Corpulent gangster and gothic ho boinking outdoors

Hung-Kong Asian and gothic ho caught screwing

Findlay Market: Most Dangerous Market in America

By now everyone has heard the thorough, fact-checked local media reports about Cincinnati being the most dangerous city in the history of the world.

It goes without saying that Findlay Market, located in the heart of OTR, is therefore the most dangerous market in America. People are regularly mugged and beaten while buying fruits and vegetables, and in some cases are attacked by the fruits and vegetables themselves.

So I was very disappointed to discover that the market is now a handgun-free zone. I don't know how I'm supposed to protect myself anymore.

Semblance of sunny summer masks an underworld of dark-skinned danger.

26 July 2009

10 Obscure Films You Should See...

...if you can find them:

The Spanish Prisoner (1997)
The Milagro Beanfield War (1988)
Mystery Train (1989)
The Vanishing*
Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995)
Parents (1989)
Mute Witness (1994)
The Sea (2002, from Iceland by director Baltasar Kormakar)
Ghost World (2001)

* I am referring to the 1988 original Dutch movie (in Dutch, "Spoorloos"). There is an American remake that is a total piece of crap. Don't even bother with that one, seek out the original.

How to Vote for Findlay Market

The news about California organization Care2's farmer's market poll is making its way through the local internets. UrbanCincy has a post and I received an email about it.

I've been going to Findlay Market 1-2 times a week for 10 years, I love the place and I'm on familiar terms with many vendors. So you'd think I'd vote in this poll but I won't.

The rules say the prize goes "to the Market." Since "the Market" is run by a corporation and not a group of farmers, it goes to the corporation. And no, the corporation is not the vendors. The corporation can spend the prize on Herman Miller office chairs if it wants.

The vendors work for the corporation and the corporation runs Findlay Market like a business, i.e. the vendors are evaluated based on their ability to add value to the corporation. That's why the market is open on Sunday; vendors weren't thrilled about the idea and some opposed it entirely. But they weren't given an option. The corporation needed Sundays to expand its suburban customer base so vendors were told they could either work Sundays or give up their stall to someone who would.

That is not an isolated example; the corporation simply does not engage vendors in management decisions; it's a top-down structure.

Another key consideration is that the corporation only manages some of the vendors in the market area. Many stores aren't part of the corporation so they would be excluded from the prize entirely since they are not technically part of "the Market."

So here's the bottom line: there are two Findlay Markets. The one you see is the one you should vote for. You can do that by going there and spending your money. The other is the one you don't see, the one that looks at spreadsheets and revenue forecasts in an office.

It may make you feel urban retro-cool to click a vote for Findlay Market but don't fool yourself into thinking it does anything for the vendors.

If you like Findlay Market, don't stay at home and vote with your mouse, go there and vote with your money!

24 July 2009

Heard Today on "The Buzz"

WBDZ (1230 AM) can always be counted on for face-smacking goofiness that stretches the bounds of incredulity. Today a lady called in with this theory:

AIDS was invented in an American lab. "They" gave it to homosexuals because homosexuals made whites look bad. Then "they" started putting black men in prisons and gave them AIDS in the prisons. Our sisters need to be aware of this and protect themselves.

18 July 2009

The Clark Street Blog Saturday Quiz

Guess what business the above logo represents. Consider that the illustration shows mountains and forests, indicating an environmental aspect. Consider also that the company serves God and country. And finally, consider also that I wouldn't ask if there wasn't some degree of irony/humor involved.

A) Garbage dumpsters
B) Rifle spotting scopes
C) Land-clearing equipment
D) Mining technology


16 July 2009

Second Sunday on Main - July 2009

Help paint a community mural? Normally my lack of artistic talent would prevent my participation but a cutie with a camera walked in so I walked in, too.

They painted the tree, wanted people to paint the leaves. The green blob in the corner is my "leaf." Cutie pie did not contribute.

Other paintings by actual artists. The surface is silk. These don't do anything for me but I liked the smaller ones they had outside. I might just buy one next time.

Oh no!! She left and all I got was a picture of her walking away! Well, that and this nice flower painting.

The drag races begin.

There are several notable things in this picture. Take the time.

Sarah Palin: Philosophical Perspective

Many were impressed with Palin at first but to my credit I called this one right from the start. Also to my credit I have managed to juxtapose the words "Palin" and "philosophical."

This WSJ op-ed is as good an explanation of the Palin/GOP head-scratcher that can be found.

12 July 2009

Chris Smitherman & Cecil Thomas Should Visit Stockholm

Because maybe it would help them come to their sense. At least Thomas. Maybe.

An excerpt from Friday's Enquirer story:

With... a $20 million deficit ahead, members of Cincinnati City Council now are debating whether to honor the King of Pop with a moment of silence.

Councilman Cecil Thomas intends to introduce a resolution at council's next meeting Aug. 5.

"This is something personal, just for myself... I'm a big fan of Michael Jackson. I grew up with Michael Jackson."

Personal? Just for himself? So taxpayer-funded city government should spend time on something that is personal and just for Cecil Thomas while the city contends with a $20m defecit?

What planet is this guy on?

As I opined before, this grotesque politicization of Michael Jackson for personal gain is so utterly pathetic, so gaggingly distasteful that the only reaction I can have is admiration... admiration of the great restraint Cincinnati's reasonable public has showed in this matter.

Chris Smitherman has made a life out of sinking low but it's hard to imagine even him sinking lower than this. It's obvious that neither Smitherman, Thomas nor the NAACP truly have any love for Jackson's music. If they really did, they would honor him the way he is honored by his true fans. Like this, for example:

So what do you think, Mr. Smitherman, Mr. Thomas and members of the NAACP... if Michael Jackson were looking down upon the world now, what do you think HE would rather see, your politicization of his musical legacy for one minute of silence in city council chambers, or his fans half a world away coming together in flash mob celebrations of his music and dance legacy?

Second Sunday on Main - June 2009

If your wish is laid-back Sunday diversion then consider the Second Sunday on Main festival. Fun people doing fun things in a fun atmosphere. This month's theme is GLOBAL GROOVE, i.e. the place to be for world music fans.

Here are pics from the last SSOM which featured dog contests.

Lillie shows off her painted nails

Kids having fun

Lining up for the "best dressed" contest

STILL having fun

This pug had enough... sat under a van and refused to budge

And you might see these guys riding around on their crazy bikes

07 July 2009

Full Deck Continues to Elude Chris Smitherman

Chris Smitherman, always on the prowl for an opportunity to convince his acolytes that they are oppressed victims of a racist city, spoke today on 1230 AM "The Buzz" (which is little more than a forum for blatant racism, ironically enough). His issue? Let's have fun and make it multiple choice:

A) The importance of teaching job skills to inner city youths.
B) The importance of emphasizing education as the key to success for inner city youth.
C) The importance of promoting good role models for inner city youth.
D) The importance of focusing on Leslie Ghiz's opposition to using taxpayer-funded council time to honor Michael Jackson.

Yes, that's right. Chris Smitherman is righteously indignant that Leslie Ghiz thinks it's a stupid idea (my words, not hers) to honor Michael Jackson during a city council meeting. His reason: Cincinnati is 50% black, and-- please take a moment to relish the irony here-- Michael Jackson was also black. Therefore, city council should honor him, because to do otherwise would be a slap in the face to Chris Smitherman's narcissistic megalomania Cincinnati's black citizens.

Smitherman questioned why council would honor Marge Schott (who lived here, worked here and owned our baseball team) and not Michael Jackson (who never lived here, never worked here, never owned any local business and to my knowledge, never had a concert here).

What a fucking idiot. Seriously.

He said the NAACP plans to demand that council honor Michael Jackson. Actually, I'm for this because it backs up my view that the NAACP is totally irrelevant and does nothing for the people it supposedly represents. What better way to illustrate this than to put on a display of unwitting self-caricature that would be the envy of literature's great satirists? Go for it, Smitty!

I'm not a big Ghiz fan but to her credit she has evolved from a Republican robot to someone who actually thinks about issues. I guess having a child can do that. But she is 100% correct about this. There is no reason-- absolutely no reason-- why city council should spend one nanosecond honoring Michael Jackson. Such an action would serve no purpose other than placating Chris Smitherman's insatiable appetite for self-aggrandization.

Michael Jackson has already been honored by the people that matter: his fans and fellow musicians. Smitherman's politicization of Jackson's death to advance his own personal agenda does not honor Jackson's legacy, it fouls it. He should be ashamed.

(An even bigger bite over at the Phoney Coney)

06 July 2009

Fuck You

Long-time locals will remember the venerable Movies Repertory (and for that matter, Mullane's Cafe next door), a small downtown theater that ran classic, indy, foreign and other movies no other theater would go out on a limb for.

What other theater would show an animation festival one night and Abel Gance's 1927 4-hr silent epic, Napoleon, the next?

A favorite moment is the film Mondo New York in which a filmmaker spent 24 hours in NYC talking to odd people, looking for strange things, and generally seeking out the fringe of urban sociocultural normalcy. Needless to say, he found plenty.

The film ended with a live song that almost felled me from my chair. For several years I looked for the soundtrack to no avail. Couldn't find the film, either.

Now, thanks to the blessing that is the internet, I have at last found that song.

And so I present to you, with all the gravitas of a six-and-a-half foot outrageous gender-bending homosexual party animal, the best use of the words "Mary Tyler Moore" in American song history...

03 July 2009

A Final to Remember?

That's what I'm hoping.

Federer vs. Roddick, it's all set. Everyone is focusing on Federer and his inevitable march into the record books but let me give Roddick some love here.

Roddick is an amazing player... when he has a coach. Without a coach, he's a one-trick pony whose entire game is built on a gigantic serve and forehand. As it turns out, that's usually good enough to beat 90% of the tour 90% of the time.

But when he has a coach his game gets the extra dimension of tactics. Every time he has hired a coach, his game has gone up a level. And every time he gets rid of a coach, his game goes down.

Now, under the tutelage of Larry Stefanki, he just played the match many of us have been waiting for him to play since... well, forever. It was an epic performance. I think most of us thought it would be Murray who would get through to the final. I know I did.

Roddick beat Federer in 2002. It took him SIX years to beat him again. He is 2-18 against the Fed.

Yes, the money is on Federer. Yes, the fans are with Federer. But I, for one, would be thrilled to see Roddick win the Wimbledon title. He would beat the only man who has prevented him from winning Grand Slam finals. It would be a truly memorable achievement in the context of their rivalry and this particular moment in tennis history.

Roddick always plays big and always plays hard. But now he's playing smart. He's gonna bring it, no question. It's never worked before but if he actually pulls this off, I'll give a standing-O in front of my TV. He'll deserve it.