23 June 2006

Portman Pushes Line-Item Irony

I like appreciate Rob Portman. He exemplifies the fact that intelligence and sycophancy are not mutually exclusive.

Like a good lackey, Mr. Portman is now backing the Bush administration's call for a line item veto. The reason? To curb spending.

Please try not to laugh. This is serious. Republicans are serious about curbing spending (chuckle). Remember, this is the party of fiscal responsibility (chortle). That's why they've only increased government spending by 33% (snicker). That's why Bush turned hundreds of billions of dollars of surplus revenue into the largest deficit the country has ever had (guffaw). That's why Bush has never vetoed a single bill in 5 years. Because Republicans stand for fiscal responsibility (maniacal laughter).

Allow me to translate what Rob Portman and his authority figures are telling us: Republicans can't control themselves with money. Republicans can't be trusted with money. But it's not the Republicans' fault. No, sir. It's the system that's to blame. We have to change the system, not the people.

And there you have the Republican view of life in a nutshell. When other people screw up, they are wrong and must go. But Republicans can never screw up. At times it may seem like it, but it's really the system that's wrong and has to be changed.

Examples: If judicial decisions aren't congruent with Republican ideas, then it's the judges that must be changed. If 90% of the world opposes U.S. foreign policy, then it's the world that needs to change. If the Constitution doesn't back Republican ideas, then the Constitution is wrong. If the media doesn't support the Republicans then it's the media that's wrong. If decorated combat veterans oppose the ideas of draft-dodging Republican chickenhawks, then it's the decorated combat veterans that are wrong.

And no, they're not narcissists... they're just right. All the time. And if you don't think so, then maybe there's something wrong with you.


K. said...

if you dont' think theyr'e always right then you're unamerican not patriotic probably a terrorist and homo. wait, i'd better start monitoring your banking. and your phone calls.

(projected 100% chance of rain in NYC all weekend. :( my tennis is going to get rained out. just when i was really getting good again.)

WestEnder said...

Oh man, if that's the storm system that passed over Ohio yesterday, I think it's definitely going to be a wet one. Ruining the weekend is bad enough, but spoiling a good tennis match... now that REALLY hurts.

If you're tired of conventional scoring, I used to modify it so each player serves 6 times before switching, and the first to get 21 pts. wins. It moves faster than the usual way.

K. said...

that sounds like ping-pong scoring.

WestEnder said...

Yup, that's where we got it from. I think we adapted it for doubles, too, but I can't remember how. I think it was kind of complicated.

Anyway, I like the ping-pong scoring system when I'm playing singles. It's still a match, but it moves faster and you get more ball play.

WestEnder said...

And yes, I did notice that the Tigers beat the Cards. Pujols, Shmujols.

K. said...

twice. they just beat them twice.

and they STILL don't get front page/top of the hour coverage on sportscenter. annoying.

Michelle said...

I'm with katieg, you are so going to get "monitored" because of your communist, unamerican beliefs.

K. said...

now they've swept them, actually...