20 August 2008

Foods I Would Recommend to Space Aliens

After reading this post at Wine Me, Dine Me about one foodie's opinion of the 100 foods every omnivore should try, I thought: well, that's fun and definitely a much better way to say "Here's a list of foods that prove I'm cosmopolitan and sophisticated yet still able to relate to the common person."

While I was watching the Olympics at night I thought of a slightly different list. Suppose a space alien came to me and said, "Greetings, earthling. I am [alien's name] and I will be stuck on your planet for approximately one lunar cycle because my spaceship ran out of fuel because the liberals on my planet refuse to allow off-planet drilling. I would like to use the time to research human food. How shall I proceed?"

These are the foods I would recommend to a space alien visitor:


1. caviar
2. chhole
3. biryani
4. spam/potted meat
5. chicken feet
6. flan
7. 'sweetbread'
8. menudo
9. kielbasa w/ onions, sauerkraut & peppers
10. prosciutto
11. yak milk/butter
12. lobster
13. Kobe beef
14. anchovies
15. vegemite
16. scorpion on a stick (acceptable substitute: roasted insects)
17. lutefisk
18. the following fruits when they're not grown on corporate farms: mango, guava, papaya, passion fruit, pomegranate, banana.

19. Edwardo's [Chicago deep-dish] pizza
20. haggis
21. blood
22. fried turkey
23. BBQ ribs from somewhere below the Mason-Dixon
24. falafel
25. kimchi
26. apple pie a la mode
27. a selection of raw milk cheeses


It's an excellent list and sure to please the alien, thereby avoiding the dreaded abduction-probe scenario that has plagued so many of our small town brethren.

Unfortunately, the primo caviar isn't legal anymore because they killed too many sturgeons. But who's going to arrest an alien?

5 comments:

phyzish said...

ok.... sweetbreads... is this really something you yourself enjoy? and if so, how did you come to enjoy eating...that.
and vegemite? how do you like yours? spread on a piece of french bread or straight out of the jar?
as far as the kimchi is concerned you'd probably want to harvest it straight from korea- the jarred versions at krogers are a little iffy...

otherwise the rest of your list sounds... thought provoking. <<< grins >>>

why isn't tofu on there? just wondering....

WestEnder said...

I've listed several things I've never had (and some, like lutefisk, I never will). But I think it's a good sampling of what earthlings eat in case an alien asks.

Tofu? Never even occurred to me.

QueerCincinnati.com said...

Ha. You said Menudo.

Are you suggesting we cut up and then consume Ricky Martin some 20 years ago????

Mark said...

The earth might get vaporized if aliens have my taste for prosciutto.

Julie said...

I would agree with your list pretty much whole-heartedly. I would also add froot loops, because whenever people hear I've NEVER HAD THEM, they look at me as if I'm an alien.