07 February 2009

Now I Can Die Happy

I am not sure how to say this so I will be blunt: last night I attended a monster truck show.

If you are like me and this is one of your longtime goals, you need to know a couple of things: First, if you don't wear earplugs your ears will bleed in 2 minutes. Second, brain cells and monster trucks do not go together. Leave your mind behind.

Here is what happens at a monster truck show: giant-wheeled trucks gun their engines and run over some junk cars and dirt mounds. For about two hours.

Not the annual philosophy convention

At one point they had to pause the show to air out the fumes as directed by the fire marshal. In addition to fire dept. officials, there was a plethora of security personnel. I have no idea why.

Here is a shot of Public Disturbance (the trucks have names) doing its thing:

And another monster truck monster action shot:

After intermission they brought out TRANSFORMER. It was a monster, not a monster truck. It's basically a truck lift that is built to look like Godzilla. The arms are the lifts and the mouth is a Godzilla-sized jaws-of-life.

What happened next was unbelievable, really. TRANSFORMER lifted up a car to its mouth and started chomping on it until it chomped it in half.

Also, there were flames blasting out of its head every couple minutes.

Here is TRANSFORMER and its four-wheeled victim lying in wait:

And here is the aftermath. You can see the front half of the car, now lying in waste. The big vehicle in the middle is what turned into TRANSFORMER.

I've always wanted to take a date to a monster truck show. I had a date, but she brought her boyfriend so it didn't really count. Or maybe it counts double, I don't know. But I do know that my life is now complete and I can die happy.


Wes said...

Hey man, I feel you. My two older brothers were once semi-professional tractor pullers. I've been to my fair share of the redneck arts.


Mark said...

Transformer sounds like the Simpsons' Truckasaurus. I thought that was just a joke.

liz said...

this is hilarious! i have a friend who loves monster truck shows. she has a boyfriend but if their relationship gets chomped in half, i'll let you know.

WestEnder said...

The redneck arts... I love it, it's a lexicological truth missile.

And oh, yes... definitely set me up with monster truck girl. I will be her Bigfoot and she will be my Public Disturbance.

Wes said...

I will be her Bigfoot and she will be my Public Disturbance.

And who sez romance is dead?


k said...

oddly jealous. this girl. right here. monster trucks and the roller derby have been on my top 10 to-do list for some time.

Heather said...

You sure you're not from Iowa!?! We had those all the time!

Good to meet you last night...


Anonymous said...

sounds better than dog sled racing...

VisuaLingual said...

Sweet! If you ever find yourself in St. Louis, this is a must-see: