05 February 2008

Guide to the Candidates (UPDATED!)

Terse summarizations of the candidates/campaigns so far:


OBAMA: Hope with me, dream with me, believe in me, vote for me.

CLINTON: Is the applause meter on?

EDWARDS: I am in this until the end. The END! Okay, never mind.

DODD: I would like to share some thoughtful remarks on some important matters of policy. Hey, is this thing on?

RICHARDSON: You want experience? How about Congress, Cabinet, Diplomat, and Governor? (* crickets *)

KUCINICH: We shall overcome, and we shall do it with drum circles.

BIDEN: Why do I keep tasting bits of shoe leather in my mouth?

GRAVEL: I don't care who, and I don't care why, but SOMEONE IS GETTIN' A FIST SANDWICH.



THOMPSON: Look, I really need this nap. I was at a costume party at my wife's sorority until pretty late. I dressed up as Ronald Reagan.

ROMNEY: Thanks to the internet, my positions are now available in real time.

McCAIN: America, thy name is victory.

HUCKABEE: America, thy name is victory for Jesus.

GIULIANI: Bush is great. Cheney is great. The last 7 years have been great. I say MORE COWBELL!

PAUL: Half of what I say makes total sense. Do you really care about the rest?

7 comments:

Jill said...

Great job - anything for Thompson? Gravel? (just because I like your take)

Jill said...

oops - and Biden too. :)

WestEnder said...

Shoot, I knew I left someone out. But I've added summations for these formidable foes as well.

Jeff said...

Fabulous! Excellent work. Can't stop laughing!

Mark said...

A possible third line for Paul is "Only Half-Insane--heads and shoulders above the rest."

ohdave said...

WE, have you seen the Huffpo Fundrace feature?

Search Cincinnati and you'll see plenty of giving by Lindner and Castellini to the GOP.

WestEnder said...

Oh, no surprise there. I know Lindner gave money to Romney early one, and Castellini gave to McCain.

At the state level, both are major contributors to Jon Husted.