11 October 2009

Bible 2.0

The Bible is quite a book. I haven't read the whole thing but I've seen the movies and it's pretty clear the Bible has just about everything one would want in a Hollywood blockbuster/word of God... executions, fires, floods, rape, pillaging, stoning, blessings, curses, family disputes, etc.

We've gotten a lot of mileage from the Bible considering it's way old. But let's face it, it's time for an update. There are things missing from the Bible that are hard to overlook in this day and age. Most important is the lack of spaceships and zombies. While this was fine two thousand years ago, it is simply not acceptable in the 21st century.

I am not enough of a Bible expert to re-write the whole thing. But I know experts are out there. I thus call upon the experts among us to update those books of the Bible which need updating for our modern times. In addition to spaceships and zombies, subjects worthy of serious consideration are time travel, black holes, hip-hop and pescevegetarianism.



Mark said...

Spaceships are already in the Old Testament and zombies in the New (not Jesus or Lazarus).

I am not making this up. (The space ships are the basis of dozens of books but no one has done much with the zombies.)

There's also golden hemmorhoids and talking donkeys.

I am not making this up.

I'll get specifics as soon as I can.

Chris said...

I hope this time around the authors realize what a product placement goldmine they have on their hands.

Wes said...

"And Moses smote the rock, and the rock gave forth cold-filtered Miller Genuine Draft."

Yeah, this has got lots of possibilities.


Mark said...

Biblical zombies in Matthew Ch. 27:

52The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus’ resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

No reports of brain-eating but we have to assume it happened.

WestEnder said...


Anonymous said...

someone already beat you to the punch, The Bible 2.0 punch, and believe you me, they were no expert.

k said...

obviously am catching up on some reading during lunch and this post surprised and delighted me.

for alien presence at various events of religious significance, check out the images at:

i think the spacship at the foot of the cross (pg 3 or 4) is a bit of a stretch. looks more like a flattened sombrero. that opens up a whole other discussion...